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Rough week.

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- Rated: 8 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 10:51 p.m. Ripley1046:

About a month and a half ago my wife and I found out we were going to have a baby. This threw my life into a whirlwind of excitement and worry. Excited that I was going to be a dad, and worried about money, our small cars, our small house etc. Just being concerned I guess, nothing crazy. We actually went out and bought a 4 door suv to make life easier when the baby came.

Monday Heidi had a doctor's appointment, they didn't find a heartbeat. After tests on top of tests and blood work it's confirmed. No heartbeat, no baby. Not sure what happened, but it didn't make it. I have to say this is one of the hardest things I've had to go through. I guess the whole thing hadn't totally even set in yet, but when I got that call, it all hit home. It's not easy to talk about, and frankly it's easier for me to type on a computer than to talk to a person about it. So, sorry if I brought anyone down, but I need to vent. I know things will get better, and there is a good chance that next time will go without a hitch, but it's hard to deal with right now.

On a good note, I have a great band in residence this week (I'm the sound tech at a performing arts center) so it's keeping my mind busy for a while. And the guitarist plays a 6120 Jr., so I have some eye candy at work. Trying to keep positive right? Thanks to the GDP for giving me a place to vent. Ripley
- Rated: 20 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 10:57 p.m. AJ:

Sorry to hear about this. Hang in there; life often throws some curveballs, just keep an eye open for the next pitch.
- Rated: 35 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:09 p.m. crowbone:

Hey Ripley,

All my sympathies are with you.
- Rated: 12 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:11 p.m. Rally:

Ripley,

I know exactly how you feel. We lost ours in the 16th week and we were devastated. It was hard for us to take.

My wife was pregnant again 5 months later and we now have a beautiful, almost 7-year old daughter. We had another one 22 moths later.

The pain has gone from that miscarriage, but we haven't forgotten that experience and the bonding we were going through (like you).

Give it time, the pain will diminish.
- Rated: 48 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:11 p.m. dmanlow:

Very sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts go out to you and your wife.
- Rated: 49 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:16 p.m. Ric12string:

Ripley, so very, very sorry to hear about this.

It sounds like this occurred mid-way through the pregnancy, which makes it hard because you have already invested so much emotion into it and you can already anticipate how your life is going to change. However, as you correctly point out, you can try again and, chances would be very high that things would come off without a hitch.

Trust your OBGYN to advise you about how quickly to begin trying again. Educate yourself about how things like this happen so that there will be no negative thoughts about how or why it occurred. And, continue to enjoy your lives together as a couple. When the timing is right, it will happen again.

Best of luck to you.
- Rated: 28 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:27 p.m. 57 Chet :

My sympathies as well ...

My wife and I tried a little too late in life ... but that's another story ...

Best luck next time!
- Rated: 7 ↑
Nov 18, 2008 11:27 p.m. fauves:

Hang in there Ripley, We went thru the same thing at 5 months. I know how ya feel. It will get better. Hang in there both of you
- Rated: 25 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 12:30 a.m. donwood:

Same thoughts Ripley, hang in there and give your wife all the support she needs.Best wishes on next round.
- Rated: 74 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 1:14 a.m. bonedaddy:

Keep your head up Ripley. Be there for each other, it's all you can do.
- Rated: 30 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 1:30 a.m. greg:

My friend carried a baby for almost 9 months and lost it.Just terrible.We had our probs too but things got better and now we have 3 beautiful kids.Sometimes the first try doesnt workout for alot of couples.Hang in there.Your venting is in a good place broIve done it here too!
- Rated: 16 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 3:45 a.m. Gigatron:

Ripley, the same thing happened to us as happened to Greg's friend. It was awful at the time, but a couple of years later we had a healthy baby girl, who's now 16. I now what you're going through, but believe me, it will get better.
- Rated: 22 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 4:56 a.m. gretschiam:

Sorry to hear this, Ripley. We all know that life sucks, but ultimately there seems to be a plan. So do your best to be positive and focus on your wife. For me, I look at the time before our daughter was born as a real gift and a time when my wife and I became friends. That's gone soon enough after a baby comes and both parents become nothing more than the support system for the center of the universe. Best wishes to both of you.
- Rated: 45 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 5:27 a.m. Tsar Nicholas :

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss, Ripley. Keep your head up and stay tough. I'm sure your wife needs you to be strong at the moment.
- Rated: 12 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 5:34 a.m. aussiepete:

Ripley I'm sorry for yours and Heidi's loss. You will be surprised how many people you will meet who say they have been through this. I don't mean to diminish your loss by saying that, just take comfort in others. I wrote my wife a letter when we lost our first after a couple of months saying that we will soon hear the patter of tiny feet. I probably didn't believe it, but I now have three boys aged 14, 12 and 9 You have each other and the promise of better times ahead.
- Rated: 25 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 6:32 a.m. billydlight:

Hang in there Rip. Always darkest before the dawn. Have been there, and it will hurt less over time.
- Rated: 47 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 6:52 a.m. Timthom62:

My condolences for your loss, Ripley, and best wishes for you and Heidi.
- Rated: 61 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 7:29 a.m. Bear:

Ripley, I am so sorry to hear about this tragic event in the lives of you and Heidi. They say God has a reason for everything but at times like this it is very hard to fathom what reason He could have to let something like this happen. My heart and prayers go out to you and Heidi. I realize no mere words can help to alleviate the loss you are feeling.
- Rated: 9 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 7:33 a.m. Rock Lajoint:

Ripley, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

My wife and I went through two miscarriages at around 3 months and then we had a stillborn son at full-term. My wife went in to pick up some test results two days before he was due, while she was waiting for the results - the tests were fine - they put her on the monitor and found there was no heartbeat. He had been kicking the day before. So my wife had to go through a 'normal' delivery. No reason was found for his death. Instead of registering a birth and arranging a happy family gathering, we registered a death and had a funeral. It was terrible, the worst thing I've ever been through.

It still affects us both now 6 years later. However, we now have a wonderful 4 year old son who is the light of our lives. I'd love my son to have a brother or sister but we can't face risking going through all that again.

I don't normally post about such personal things but we found that this is seldom talked about and it happens to A LOT of people but at the time you feel that you have been singled out for this terrible event. But you will get through it.

I wish you both well and I'm sure the future will hold good things for you as it has for my wife and I.

RLJ
- Rated: 212 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 7:40 a.m. Proteus:

Ripley, these guys have covered most if not all the bases.

It's hard to take when it happens on your first - but, believe it or not, probably most of us have been through it. Healthy pregnancies are one of those unlikely miracles of life (the MAIN unlikely miracle, come to that) - and MOST pregnancies are healthy. But early-to-mid-term miscarriages are also very common, and also part of the way things work. (I won't call them "nature's plan" or "God's will," because it depends on how you see them - but they've certainly been part of human reproduction forever, and will remain so.)

That doesn't make it easier, I know. Our miscarriage came between our two kids, and was a tough time: feeling empty and betrayed and wondering "what we did wrong," and suddenly missing everything that was promised and now would never come to pass. But both of you have to guard against blaming yourselves, and against the fear that you'll never be able to carry one through.

The enormous likelihood is that you WILL, that next time it will come off without a hitch.

It will take a few months for you both to get over it, and in the meantime you have to "be there" for your wife, and she for you. Hang on to the eachotherness that brought you together in the first place.

Good that you brought it up on the GDP - wait till Pappy comes in on this thread. Two years ago he and his wife went through exACTly this, and were devastated. Now they have their daughter Annie.

Things will work for you. Just endure through this patch.
- Rated: 93 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 8:03 a.m. Pappy:

My wife and I went through a similar situation and it hurts and it hurts bad. I was incredibly angry at just about everything. Man, I hurt so freaking bad. Time has helped quite a bit, that's pretty much the only thing that really does (besides having these fine folks help me out since I did the exact same thing you did by posting about it here). I know it hurts and I sympathize for you. It's incredibly rough and although it doesn't help (or didn't help me at least) hearing that it happens quite a bit, it is kind of nice to have so many people that know what you're going through.

Feel free to vent all you want. You have a captive audience here.
- Rated: 41 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 8:09 a.m. J(esse James)D:

Sorry to hear about this, and you guys are in our thoughts too.

Vent anytime around here. That's what we're all here for.
- Rated: 19 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 8:18 a.m. cielski:

It took us almost 12 years before it "clicked". My daughter's turning twenty soon. Our thoughts go out to the two of you.
- Rated: 77 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 8:37 a.m. sassy:

I'm really sorry to hear this Ripley..My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. Regards, Don
- Rated: 3 ↑
Nov 19, 2008 8:58 a.m. jc28:

Hang in Buddy. It's tough, but you and your wife will get through it. You guys just have to be their for each other and, with time, things will be Okay. I have three kids and have been through this once, my wife had a hard time dealing with it, but with time she came to terms with things and then we had our third.

My thoughts are with you and your wife.

Jeff

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