this topic has been tenuously inspired by big al's 'which guitar' thread...
your in a club, things turn nasty, a brawl breaks out and you gotta take some guys out...
Which Guitar would be your weapon of choice? LP? Tele? Viking?
or would you grab a double bass and take 3 out at once?
answers on a postcard...
Tele, Tele, and Tele!
I've hammered fence posts into the ground with these, used the necks as baseball bats, and would gladly knock heads with them should the need arise. Maybe I should learn to play the thing!
Seriously though, I would choose a bolt on neck over risking a set neck any day of the week. ...or just use the bottom of a mic stand. I KNOW that works.
I have used mic stands on a number of occasions and a Stratocaster once. Unfortunately, the neck got snapped off of the Strat but being a bolt on, it was easy to replace although the new neck wasn't as nice as the one that was originally on there. Beer bottles also work quite well along with cue sticks.
xraycat said: your in a club, things turn nasty, a brawl breaks out and you gotta take some guys out...Which Guitar would be your weapon of choice?
Oh thats easy...some other guys guitar. Just as long as it isn't mine.
Tele all the way. And I hear that Keef has been asked to do a tuition video
I'd have to agree with Bear on the mic stands- the old ones with the heavy base- preferably with a Shure 55SH on the other end. You could be a "mic-stand ninja" with one of those.
A bass player in a previous band I was in did spike a guy (who kept trying to sing into the mic) with the upright peg once though.
It really has got to be a Telecaster.
i think id use a B.C. Rich just for intimidation factor or maybe this 
but im sure it would break on the first swing and i would have to impale my victims. My bass player also has a Kramer bass prototype with an aluminum neck that would be a good weapon.
A guy kept trying to grab my Gibson ES-355 one night so finally I pick-axed it into his head. It was like a gnat hitting a tank. It did nothing - the guy was really drunk. Then, he got the guitar away from me and proceeded to drive me into the ground like nail with it. It was the bass player and his Precision Bass that was the weapon that saved me. Amazingly, the 355 survived needing only a truss rod adjustment ( ...and I got a great story out of the scars on the 355!)
If you're a good shot, a well-placed strap pin jab from the butt of any guitar into the forehead of a stage climber should send them sprawling and seeing stars. The more mass the guitar has behind it the better. As a bonus, It'll leave a nice "don't be a dumbass" reminder mark for him after he's sobered up, too.
If you're playing somewhere without a stage and you're both on ground level, I'd think a bottle would be the fastest and easiest choice. You may not have time to get the guitar into fighting position.
I haven't had to apply either, I've just sized things up in different situations where it looked like I was close to needing to do something and I filed the thoughts away for future use if I need them.
I have a Fender Custom Shop 50's relic Stratocaster - ash body, big ass maple neck (12 inch radius). I'd club my opponent until the four bolts failed, then I'd baseball bat them (ala Ramones "Beat on the Brat) with the maple neck. Since its a relic I could rebolt it, and jump back on stage.
I am usually in close proximity to the drummer, and a heavy-duty cymbal stand with a 16" crash cymbal still attached makes a very handy and nasty weapon.
i vote for a tele with a bigsby!
I've had a couple Travis Bean metal neck Guitars that would work GREAT...Remember those things ??
No question at all - aluminum-neck Kramer with heavy bubinga body and forked Headstock. I've seen impressive results when it meets teeth.
Umm. How about just leaving the bar? Or taking a 5 minute break. Or calling security over?
What are we...meatheads?....neanderthals...Patrick Swayze?? Is committing a felony ADW on some drunken idiot by hitting him in the head with a telecaster really that enjoyable for you guys? Just a question.
When someone cuts in line at the grocery store do you pick up a can of soup and hit them in the head? So why is it so acceptable to hit someone for climbing up on a stage? We teach our children to not behave this way.
What if it was a drunk woman jumping up on stage? Are you gonna strike her down? Pop her in the head with end of your guitar? C'mon folks. We all know you ain't gonna do that. What if she was really really hot with boobies bouncin around and she jumps up on the mic and starts singing...you gonna stab her with your headstock? hahaha I think not! But if it's some sweaty fat guy you're going to ADW him? There's whole lot of FAIL going on there.
And don't get me wrong, I've gotten pretty pissed off at some of these drunks. I had a drunk dancing in front of me once and he hit the mic stand which sent the mic into my face...I was very pissed. But I wasn't about to go assault the moron over it. I stopped the set and got on the mic and said "SHOW OVER unless this MF'ER IS ESCORTED OUT OF HERE" Some unrelated people carried him out the door. Mission accomplished 
Anyway, to answer your question...I'd use a BC Rich Warlock if I had one.
C'mon Mr. Trouble, it's just a silly little 'What If?' fun thread. I'm sure nobody on the GDP is about to crush someone's skull with a Telecaster.
Peavey T-60. It's as solid as a Tele, but heavier than a Les Paul. I reckon you could bat flying beer bottles with it and get some distance on 'em!
: Mr. T said: So why is it so acceptable to hit someone for climbing up on a stage?I said: A bass player in a previous band I was in did spike a guy (who kept trying to sing into the mic) with the upright peg once though.
There was no security at the club (bartenders wouldn't do anything either), and we asked (over the mic) for someone to get rid of the guy. I would have loved to stop the show, but also wanted to get paid.
The drunk mofo was pushed away from the stage about three separate times (and the singer had chipped his tooth on the mic from having it shoved into him) before the bass player let him have it in the gut with the peg (it didn't stab him or anything like that- just stunned him a bit). We weren't bothered by him again.
I agree with gretschington, that the best thing is to jab with the but end of the guitar. You'll have no neck falling off and the strapholder would leave a nice mark, so you'll remember him the next time and he'll remember you every time he looks in the mirror.
And yes I'd most rather do it with my tele or my mahogany tele I built myself. But because I don't always bring them to a show, I will from now on.... so as of now all my gretsches are for sale and I'll only keep my tele's and I guess this was my last post here ....
I would use a cheap acoustic, fill it with a little talcum powder for effect, and hit some one over the head like I was the Honky-Tonk Man.
"Be Nice... Until It's time to not be nice"
-James Dalton (Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse)
I would use a Tele as well. It is after all "The Hammer of the Honky Tonk Gods"
I agree with Parabar. A Tele (main reason I bought one) or a Peavey T-60.
Punk rockers who played the T-60 swear by them.
I will SHRED them all. Mwaaaaahahaha
